Owl

Owl / Oil on black canvas / 5x7 unframed / $68 including shipping 

MOST OF YOU KNOW, I think, that I am a recovering alcoholic, clean and sober since 1987. It's a vital part of my life - one that makes all the other parts work - and was a vital part of Peter's, as well. We always said that we would stay married forever - unless one of us started drinking, at which point, without discussion, the marriage would be over. 

These days, meetings are done largely on Zoom, and that means you can go to any meeting anywhere. So on Friday, I attended a meeting in Des Moines, where the father of a former Eastern Shore resident was speaking about his 53 years of sobriety. 

His main message was that he began to find success in life and in sobriety when he turned his will and his life over to the care of his higher power. 

I realized, as I listened, that I've been holding on very tight since Peter died. I have structured my life around tasks - the bird project, training the dogs, walking every day, losing the final 19 pounds. Getting rid of things. Clearing the house out. Task upon task upon task. 

That's been fine. It's been necessary. It's been how I have been able to cope. But it has kept me from so much that I value - discovery, imagination, adventure, exploration.

I realized, listening, that I've been clenching my fists around my life, clenching my body around my tasks, holding tight, as tight as I can - and understandably, since so much that I held and held dear was suddenly just gone. 

So I have vowed to loosen up. To hand it all over to my higher power. To quit worrying, as much as I possibly can, and trust that the joy and peace and love and protection that I have always felt in my life will continue, and will hold me safe, and let me feel like living again. 

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For Today

"The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, 

think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised." 

- Norman Vincent Peale