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Monday, July 4, 2011

Sunrise, Essex Marsh

Sunrise, Essex Marsh
Sunrise, Essex Marsh
Oil on canvas, 24x24
Please contact me for price and delivery options

I woke early on Saturday, the last day in Gloucester, and made this painting. A new friend, Alicia Drakiotes, painted with me, and we enjoyed the beautiful morning and each other's paintings.

Tired, filled with beauty and with painting, I headed home.

And once I walked in the door, I knew that my old girl's time had come.

With distance, with fresh eyes and with a heart full of love and sorrow, I saw that it was the end for Kaja, and that I had to make it happen. I walked into the house, saw her, burst into tears and called the vet.

Three hours later, she was gone.

I am sad beyond words. I am bereft. Kaja was smart, and she was noble, and she had a sense of humor. She was one of the great ones. She was nearly 15, and she guarded me, and loved me and cared for me unfailingly, every day of those 15 years.

I only wish that death had come and taken her here, in her sleep, in the home she loved. But her heart was too big and too strong for that.

This dog, who had run across the fields chasing deer, this dog who had hiked and ridden and gone swimming with me, this dog who had been the friend of my heart day in and day out, could barely walk. She could barely stand, or sleep or eat. She looked at me and I saw sadness in her eyes. I saw the end.

Her big heart touches mine still, and always will. And while I miss her, and will miss her every day for the rest of my life, I know that she is free from pain and from anxiety and from the body that let her down. I just hope that, in the reckoning, she will not think that it was me who let her down.

Jacobson Arts is in Gales Ferry, CT


Sheila said...

Oh my Carrie. What a day for you. To be in a place to inspire one of the most beautiful paintings I think you've completed and then to realize you must do what you must do. Your sweet Kaja lived a long fulfilling life because of your love. Her spirit lives on with your memories and I'm sure is thankful to be free of her failing body to romp in green pastures in doggie heaven. ((((hugs)))

Monica Burnette said...

Carrie, this is a fantastic painting for Kaja. I'm sure she knows you did the right thing. They know. They always know. Rest easy, and when the time is right, open your heart to another one in memory of Kaja.

Carrie Jacobson said...

Thank you, Monica. I know I did the right thing, but still it is always hard not to question. And I just miss her so very much..

Jon Leonard said...

I am so sorry Carrie... I'm sure Kaja doesn't feel that you let her down in any way. In fact I'm sure she feels that you were her "mom" friend and where ever she may be remembers her long 15 years with you and will rmemebr them fondly.

Carrie Jacobson said...

Thank you, Jon. That dear old dog tied her life with mine, every day, even to the end. Somehow, even when she couldn't hear and could barely get up, if I woke in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch, she'd somehow sense it and come out to the living room to keep me safe there. Every day, it is a little easier to cope. Thank you so much for this note.

Mark Sheeky said...

Everything and everyone dies in the end, but also destined to live forever, in the past and our memories. It's the knowledge and acceptance of death that makes life and each good day uniquely special for human beings.

Carrie Jacobson said...

Thank you, Mark, for your wise and caring words. I know how right you are. And Kaja will indeed live in me and with me forever.