Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ever Hopeful

By the River. Oil on stretched canvas, 6x10, $150.

I think I was too hopeful yesterday.

As the rain fell with increasing fervor today, my anxiety grew. And there's no reason for it - other than memory, and what I believe is post-traumatic stress disorder.

I spent this day in my attic studio, listening to the torrents hit the roof, and talking myself out of my river-borne fear. Over and over, I told myself there was no need to worry any more, no need to worry.

But fear is a strong emotion, one of the strongest, I think, and it runs through me as powerfully as that river used to run in our back yard.

I am ever hopeful - that this is a new day, with new opportunities. A new chance to paint. A chance to meet someone interesting. A chance to learn something, do something, see something new.

Every day, I believe that I will have a new chance.

So today gave me a new chance to master my fear. I have not been entirely successful, but I have made progress.

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